My Journey: May 2011

So. One of the reasons that I started this blog was to track my weight loss journey (life change, getting healthy, whatever you want to call it).

I have tried and quit, tried and quit, tried and quit. I lose focus (=excuse: too many things going on to worry about it right now). I get angry (=excuse: everyone else can eat a burger and fries, why can't I?). I forget (yes, sometimes I literally forget to be healthy- and fall right back into my unhealthy ways). It's too expensive (well, kinda, but in the long run, not AT ALL). I've got every excuse in the book.

In January, I double checked on my membership at the gym (yes, I'd been a member for over a year). I joined the "Biggest Loser" competition at school. I posted a weight tracking chart above the scale in my bathroom, as well as a list of reasons/ goals. It included:

Why should I lose weight?

1. I want to be a better role model for Abby and Alex. I would never want them to grow up fat and deal with the pain that comes with it… but if they do not have a better role model, it seems inevitable.

2. I want to be able to keep up with the kids.

3. I want to walk up the stairs in my house without getting winded.

4. I want to have more energy.

5. If I lose weight my feet, ankles, and hip will stop hurting.

6. If I lose weight I will be able to stop taking blood pressure meds.

7. If I lose weight, maybe my hormones will level out and my PCOS will go away.

8. I want to feel attractive.

9. I want to feel confident.

10. I want to be able to shop in any clothing store without worrying if they have my size.

11. I want to wrap up in a regular towel and have it fit around me.

12. I want to sit on furniture and not worry if it will break or wear out too soon.

13. I want to fit in the booth at a restaurant without being uncomfortable.

14. I want to go parasailing…. But I weigh too much.

15. I want to go horseback riding… but I worry that I weigh too much.

16. I want to take Abby on roller coasters… but I’m afraid I won’t fit in them.

17. I want to be able to live- without constant thoughts about whether my size is going to get in the way. I want to be healthy and happy.

And guess what. None of that helped. Well, I will say this: I was more aware of what I was putting in my mouth. But I didn't track calories or points (just that first week when I joined WW!). I didn't go to the gym. And I didn't lose weight. Well, I lost and gained the same 8 pounds over the course of 3 months.

Then I remembered that we're going to the beach this summer. And I was talking to Abby about going to Six Flags (she'll get a free ticket for reading so much). And I ate out somewhere and felt like there was someone staring at me the whole time. And I went to Florida for Spring Break. While on spring break, we spent time with family and friends- it was an excellent vacation. But it also provided several reminders for me. The biggest came in the form of a photo. My mother in law, Abby, and I went to the beach. We were only going to be there for an hour or so, and it was super windy- so even though I had my bathing suit on under my clothes, I never got in the water. Abby, however was frolicking in the surf. I took a bunch of pictures and then rolled my capris up and joined her. Mary Lu picked up the camera and took some pictures. I saw her and was glad- usually I'm the photographer, and I knew there were hardly any pictures of me on this vacation. We had fun and drove home shortly later. One of those pictures gave me a start. I guess because it was truly candid (Abby and I were playing... I wasn't posing), it was eye opening. And I've made changes from the moment I saw it. (I also realize that the picture may not seem out of the ordinary to people who spend time with me, but surely you understand that what I see in the mirror never quite looks like that, to me...)

Of course the emphasis is on health- but our appearance- certainly our physique, but also our complexion and even hair- are outward signs of our health. And mine was a stop sign.

Starting at the end of that vacation, I started tracking my Weight Watcher points again. I've been to the gym 3 times a week most weeks (with other exertion on the other weeks- walking at the zoo or Noah's Ark, Relay for Life, Komen Race for a Cure). And I've lost about 11 pounds. :) The consistent downward motion of those numbers on the scale is encouraging.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can do this.

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My Journey

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Journey

It's been a while. Let's catch up!