Life turned upside down.

The past month and a half have been out of this world.

On Sunday, March 11th, my mom called to tell me that my brother Jonathan passed away.  He had recently moved "home" from Massachusetts and broken up with his girlfriend/baby-mama, and was living with our Grandma.  My grandma's nurse had weekends off, so my brother served as her caregiver on those days.  Saturday night, he'd been changing all the clocks back (for daylight savings time) when she went to bed.  She slept all night, and when she woke up in the morning, she found him lying on the floor in the living room.  He'd been dead for hours.  He had untreated medical conditions (Hashimoto's disease and possible COPD), and was known to use drugs, though we don't know what/when/how much.  His cause of death has yet to be determined. 

The memorial was held the following week.  Chas, the kids, and I went down and stayed with my mom.  It was surreal.  I know my grieving process has been different from my mom, dad, and brother- I felt like I lost him when they moved to Massachusetts.  When he'd admitted to me that he'd participated in drug ring- cashing in fraudulant prescriptions, and that they were running from the law.  They left for Massachusetts the day before Thanksgiving.   I begged for him to leave the baby with me.  I told him- if they got caught, Ashton would be in foster care- just leave him with me until things are sorted out.  He said they wouldn't get in trouble.  I cried and cried.  I felt like I lost him/them that day.  They lived in Massachusetts for 4 months before coming home.  During that time, neither of them had a job - and they lived in the basement of a relative of babymama's.

I never met my nephew until after my brother passed away.  I held him for the first time at the memorial service.  He was 10 months old.

After Jonathan passed, my mom made an arrangement with baby-mama.  Mom and Michael would keep Ashton every Tuesday.  It would be "grandma & grandpa time".  Well, on the 20th, he came for his first stay.  He spent the night, and on Wednesday, my mom called and called to find out when to take him home.  No answer.  She found out later that there'd been a drug raid that morning.  Babymama, her husband, her sister, and all their friends had been arrested on drug charges.  The charges they thought they'd escaped. 

The Department of Children & Families placed each of babymama's other children (they were all there when the house was raided) with a member of their paternal family (4 kids, 4 different daddies).  One of the grandmas has permanent guardianship of the boy.  THe others are with family members in "temporary custody"...  My nephew was with my mom, they deemed that a safe arrangement, and they left him there.  He was not considered a "placement" or anything- just left in the place where he was...

Babymama has been in jail for a month now.  She hasn't signed any papers granting my mom legal rights/responsibilities to Ashton.  He got sick, and my mom begged the doctor to see him- legally, he should only have been seen if accompanied by a guardian.  Thankfully, the doctor prescribed the antibiotics for his double ear infection. 

At this point, babymama has gotten an "Emergency Bail Reduction Hearing" scheduled- on the grounds that "there is no one to care for" her child.  I'd like to call BS on that.

We consulted a lawyer who said that Children & Families could help- they could file a dependency action and we could get him placed with my mom or me (hopefully me- my mom has trouble keeping up with a toddler!).  However, the social worker has only informed my mom that if she cannot care for him, he'll be put in foster care, even if the only thing hindering her from caring for him fully is a signature.  :(

It doesn't help that there are other factors as well.  Babymama still married- she put husband's name on the birth certificate, but gave the baby my brother's last name.  I live in a separate state- causes problems.  Retainer for the lawyer is five THOUSAND dollars!

This has been the most sad, stressful, frustrating, headache-inducing, heart-wrenching thing I've even been through.  And it's far from over. 



Through all this, as you might imagine, I've relapsed into emotional eating.  I've stuffed myself sick.  Many times.  As a result, I've regained all I lost earlier this year, and am currently several pounds over my 2012 starting weight.  I hate it.  But I'm so tense and upset- that I continue to binge.    I'm sad- and scared- the thought of that baby boy going to a stranger makes me sick. 

Please be thinking of him.  Me.  Us.