It helps me.  Maybe it will help someone else, too.

My Journey

So.  One of the reasons that I started this blog was to track my weight loss journey (life change, getting healthy, whatever you want to call it).  

I have tried and quit, tried and quit, tried and quit.  I lose focus (=excuse: too many things going on to worry about it right now).  I get angry (=excuse: everyone else can eat a burger and fries, why can't I?).  I forget (yes, sometimes I literally forget to be healthy- and fall right back into my unhealthy ways).  It's too expensive (well, kinda, but in the long run, not AT ALL).  I've got every excuse in the book.  

In January, I double checked on my membership at the gym (yes, I'd been a member for over a year).  I joined the "Biggest Loser" competition at school.  I posted a weight tracking chart above the scale in my bathroom, as well as a list of reasons/ goals.  It included:

Why should I lose weight?

1.          I want to be a better role model for Abby and Alex.  I would never want them to grow up fat and deal with the pain that comes with it… but if they do not have a better role model, it seems inevitable.

2.          I want to be able to keep up with the kids.

3.          I want to walk up the stairs in my house without getting winded.

4.          I want to have more energy.

5.          If I lose weight my feet, ankles, and hip will stop hurting.

6.          If I lose weight I will be able to stop taking blood pressure meds.

7.          If I lose weight, maybe my hormones will level out and my PCOS will go away.

8.          I want to feel attractive.

9.          I want to feel confident.

10.        I want to be able to shop in any clothing store without worrying if they have my size.

11.        I want to wrap up in a regular towel and have it fit around me.

12.        I want to sit on furniture and not worry if it will break or wear out too soon.

13.        I want to fit in the booth at a restaurant without being uncomfortable.

14.        I want to go parasailing…. But I weigh too much.

15.        I want to go horseback riding… but I worry that I weigh too much.

16.        I want to take Abby on roller coasters… but I’m afraid I won’t fit in them.

17.        I want to be able to live- without constant thoughts about whether my size is going to get in the way.  I want to be healthy and happy.

And guess what.  None of that helped.  Well, I will say this: I was more aware of what I was putting in my mouth.  But I didn't track calories or points (just that first week when I joined WW!).  I didn't go to the gym.  And I didn't lose weight.  Well, I lost and gained the same 8 pounds over the course of 3 months.

Then I remembered that we're going to the beach this summer.  And I was talking to Abby about going to Six Flags (she'll get a free ticket for reading so much).  And I ate out somewhere and felt like there was someone staring at me the whole time.  And I went to Florida for Spring Break. While on  spring break, we spent time with family and friends- it was an excellent vacation.  But it also provided several reminders for me.  The biggest came in the form of a photo.  My mother in law, Abby, and I went to the beach.  We were only going to  be there for an hour or so, and it was super windy- so even though I had my bathing suit on under my clothes, I never got in the water.  Abby, however was frolicking in the surf.  I took a bunch of pictures and then rolled my capris up and joined her.  Mary Lu picked up the camera and took some pictures.  I saw her and was glad- usually I'm the photographer, and I knew there were hardly any pictures of me on this vacation.  We had fun and drove home shortly later.  One of those pictures gave me a start.  I guess because it was truly candid (Abby and I were playing... I wasn't posing), it was eye opening.  And I've made changes from the moment I saw it.  (I also realize that the picture may not seem out of the ordinary to people who spend time with me, but surely you understand that what I see in the mirror never quite looks like that, to me...)

Of course the emphasis is on health- but our appearance- certainly our physique, but also our complexion and even hair- are outward signs of our health.  And mine was a stop sign.


Starting at the end of that vacation, I started tracking my Weight Watcher points again.  I've been to the gym 3 times a week most weeks (with other exertion on the other weeks- walking at the zoo or Noah's Ark, Relay for Life, Komen Race for a Cure).  And I've lost about 11 pounds.  :)  The consistent downward motion of those numbers on the scale is encouraging.  


For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can do this.


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It's been a while. Let's catch up!

So... I've neglected the blog.  I'll try to catch up here.  :)

December 2010

Our Christmas Card picture :)

 January 2011

Backyard fun

Snow Day!!

February  2011

Girl Scouts World Thinking Day (Turkey)

March 2011

Decades Dance at SCE

The boy ate a whole bag of broccoli!

April 2011

Spring Break in FL

Easter Morning at UUCA

Relay for Life (Rockdale County)

May 2011

Abby and her 1st grade teacher on a field trip.

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving. :)

November 2010

Yesterday marks one year since my Grandpa passed away. I can't believe it's been a year. It still seems like he'll call at any minute, or that I'll get a newspaper clipping from him in the mail. My mom called and sang me Happy Birthday on the phone on my birthday (well, she tried to sing a week early, actually)- and that's sweet... but it's his job. I think regularly as I'm watching Alex, how much they would enjoy one another- I can totally picture grandpa sitting at the dining room table with Alex on his knee, singing and doing his Donald Duck impersonation. I have a vision of him hugging Abby, SO proud of his granddaughter as a new Girl Scout. Then I remember. He's not there. Hell, the TABLE isn't even there any more. I have to keep reminding myself that he's here-there-wherever- he's watching us, and I know that he's singing to Alex and laughing with him. I know he's proud of Abby and all she does. I just miss him so much.

Abby's doing wonderfully in first grade. All "threes and fours" on her report card (that means she is 'meeting' or 'exceeding' expectations for first graders in ALL areas). We started up a Girl Scout troop and Abby is a Daisy Scout. She's loving it and so am I (as a leader of course- I SO have volunteer-itis). We're both making friends and learning a lot. <3

Alex is growing like a weed. He's up to 30 pounds at 14 months old! He's wearing mostly 24month size clothes. He has yet to walk, that lug. He says "Ah-ee" for Abby- ALL THE TIME. LOL He says Dah/Dadadada for Chas. He says Ewee for Kelly. He says EEEE for kitty and leaf and tree. Cutest is "MOO" for moon. <3 Not sure if he says anything for me. He says "mamamama" but it seems random. He says "oooh-eee" and I think maybe that's for me sometimes? Anyway, it's fun to listen to him. :)

Thanksgiving this week, then three more weeks of school before Christmas break. Where does time go??

Better.

I'm feeling much better.

It's November, and while I am thankful year round, this month brings my gratitude to the forefront of my mind...

I am so very grateful for my loving husband and absolutely wonderful kids. I am one lucky mama.

I feel.

I feel sad. I feel disappointed. I feel lonely. I feel ugly. I feel incompetent.

I know I'm a good mom to my kids- because I focus all the energy and strength I have on them.

But I feel like such a failure everywhere else.