November 2010

Yesterday marks one year since my Grandpa passed away. I can't believe it's been a year. It still seems like he'll call at any minute, or that I'll get a newspaper clipping from him in the mail. My mom called and sang me Happy Birthday on the phone on my birthday (well, she tried to sing a week early, actually)- and that's sweet... but it's his job. I think regularly as I'm watching Alex, how much they would enjoy one another- I can totally picture grandpa sitting at the dining room table with Alex on his knee, singing and doing his Donald Duck impersonation. I have a vision of him hugging Abby, SO proud of his granddaughter as a new Girl Scout. Then I remember. He's not there. Hell, the TABLE isn't even there any more. I have to keep reminding myself that he's here-there-wherever- he's watching us, and I know that he's singing to Alex and laughing with him. I know he's proud of Abby and all she does. I just miss him so much.

Abby's doing wonderfully in first grade. All "threes and fours" on her report card (that means she is 'meeting' or 'exceeding' expectations for first graders in ALL areas). We started up a Girl Scout troop and Abby is a Daisy Scout. She's loving it and so am I (as a leader of course- I SO have volunteer-itis). We're both making friends and learning a lot. <3

Alex is growing like a weed. He's up to 30 pounds at 14 months old! He's wearing mostly 24month size clothes. He has yet to walk, that lug. He says "Ah-ee" for Abby- ALL THE TIME. LOL He says Dah/Dadadada for Chas. He says Ewee for Kelly. He says EEEE for kitty and leaf and tree. Cutest is "MOO" for moon. <3 Not sure if he says anything for me. He says "mamamama" but it seems random. He says "oooh-eee" and I think maybe that's for me sometimes? Anyway, it's fun to listen to him. :)

Thanksgiving this week, then three more weeks of school before Christmas break. Where does time go??

End of November / Florida Trip

What an eventful (and not in a fun way) month we've had.

Car accident- NO FUN. Can I just tell you- I am now looking both ways about 20 times before I pull out into traffic. *sigh*

Grandma moving into assisted living. I'm not there to help, but get frequent updates from my mom about the moving and decluttering process. I cannot fathom the STUFF that accumulates when a family has lived in the same house for SIXTY years.

Grandpa passing away. After discussions went on for nearly a week, he was moved to Hospice. My grandma spent the night with him for the first time in about two months. He passed away the next day. My mom and grandma were with him; he closed his eyes and just didn't draw another breath. I'm glad he went peacefully. I'm thankful that he's no longer in pain. I am grateful beyond words that I was able to visit last month- to take the kids and see him one last time. I am glad that I was NOT there for the cruel, hateful things that were said to my mom, aunt, and grandma by my uncle. I don't know that I could have responded respectfully.

Even though it may not have made sense financially, Chas agreed to acompany me and the kids to Florida for the service. Abby and Alex both behaved beautifully at the church, but you just never know how those things are going to go- and I couldn't bear the thought of having to walk out with the crying baby or something. A week in Orlando was a bit trying- especially on a shoestring (maybe a threadbare shoestring!) budget, but we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. The service was nice, and most importantly, my grandma was pleased.

My mom offered to watch the kids, and Chas and I took a SUPER-rare night out. We had the early bird special at a local seafood restaurant (Straubs, for those familiar with the Altamonte area- yummy and great service, too!) and then went to the movies! I can't even remember the last time I went to the movies!! LOL We saw "Men Who Stare at Goats" and we both enjoyed it. :)

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Aunts, uncles, and cousins all present (well, except the one who might have gotten beat up if he'd attended). Wonderful company, excellent food, and an overall great way to spend the holiday.

We went to a "Black Friday Brunch" at the home of one of my sorority sisters. There were a bunch of us there- spouses and kids in tow. I think there were a total of NINE little ones- ranging from a few weeks old (Teresa's twins) to four and a half (my big girl!). It was wonderful to share our little bundles of joy- and to reminisce.

After all that time in Orlando, we headed to Jacksonville to see Chas's family. We were only able to stay two nights- but they were nice. I always enjoy spending time with my in-laws. We were sad to find, Friday night, that my mother-in-law's aunt passed away. She lived 95 wonderful years, but it is always sad to see someone go.

We're now home. Thank goodness. And entering the crazy holiday season. I can't believe Christmas is 23 days away! There's so much to do! ACK! This Saturday alone, I have four places to be... pretty much at the same time. LOL We're going to try our best to make it to three of them- family photos, brunch with Santa, and a birthday party. I'm sad Abby's missing the opportunity to be in a parade- but they were the last ones to advise us of the event... so they didn't make "the cut". ;)

Enough blogging for one lunch time. More another time. :)

My grandpa is resting in peace tonight

I got the call at work. My mom called around 215 to tell me that my grandpa had passed away.

She said that he'd finally been moved into the hospice yesterday, late afternoon. He hadn't been talking since then. My grandma spent the night with him- a first since he was admitted to the hospital over a month and a half ago. My grandma and my mom were there with him this afternoon. She said he took a breath, closed his eyes, and just didn't breath again.

I'm so glad that he's truly at peace. But I just can't believe that he's really gone.

I told Abby while we were making dinner. We'd just talked, two days ago, about our visit to Orlando, and seeing Great-Grandpa in the hospital. I'd told her that he was still feeling bad, and we talked about making a "Feel Well" card, as she called it. I told her tonight that he got more sick, and the doctors couldn't make him better, and he died. Her response was "Oh! ... Now Great-grandma has to live alone? She'll be lonely!" I asked it she'd like to make a card for Great-grandma, to cheer her up... and she said "Oh- and a feel well card too?" I had to take a breath... and told her that Great-grandpa wasn't going to feel well again... because he wasn't alive anymore. She frowned and said "Oh, I forgot." She made a pretty card for great-grandma. I asked her what she wanted it to say- I wrote out the words on a paper so she could copy them. This is what she wrote: "I love you. I hope you are happy, but I know you might feel sad. Love, Abby" <3

Latest news

Grandpa still hasn't been moved to the Hospice. Apparently there was a glitch in the paperwork, and they're going to aim for tomorrow (Monday). The doctors now want to try another procedure first, to make him more comfortable- they want to try to drain some of the fluid from around his lungs. Since this requires anesthesia (that they were previously not wanting to use), they're going to go ahead and insert another feeding tube- this time through his stomach.

While I was talking to mom, she mentioned that Grandma said, when the time comes, she wants to bury Grandpa in the Winnie-the-Pooh necktie that I gave him for Christmas when I was 15.

I cried.

News

I got a phone call this evening that my grandpa has taken a turn for the worse. I feel bad, because when I heard earlier this week that he had MRSA, I was mostly concerned for my two children who were in the room with him the day before the test results were returned. Now I learn that he has been less responsive this week, and that his kidneys are shutting down. My grandma has been given power of attorney and they are looking into hospice.

I can't put into words how glad I am we visited last weekend. I just had the feeling that we needed to. And because I followed that gut feeling, I was able to tell my grandpa how much I love him. He was able to see Abby one more time, and meet his beautiful great grandson.

My brother has promised updates. In the meantime, I wait. And worry. :(

Family

I'll never forget a discussion I had with the owner of a women's consignment shop in Longwood, Florida, many years ago. I'd shopped there since I was a teenager who needed a week's worth of "professional attire" for a leadership forum in high school... and when we had this discussion, I was a college student embarking on my student teaching... She asked what my plans were, and when I told her that I planned to move to Georgia and get a teaching job in Atlanta, she said the following: "It may seem fun to live far away and on your own now, but you'll move back when you have kids."

I've thought a lot about her comment over the years. When I was dating Chas and we moved in together... one step further from "moving back". When I had Abby... another step. When we bought our home... another step. When Chas got his job at CNN... another step. I enjoy living where we do, and love my life here. I have no immediate plans to move, and even if we did, it's extremely unlikely that it would be to Florida.
Believe it or not, the thing that is making it harder for me to be far away is not the fact that I have two young children and my mom is in another state- it's the other end of the spectrum, actually. The fact that my grandma and grandpa are not doing well... that one of them is in the hospital- with no immediate plans of release- and the other is settling into an assisted living facility- it breaks my heart. Last weekend, I was able to visit. They're OK. They're being taken care of. But I wish I could be there. I love them both with all my heart and would be by their sides if I could. I'm glad I was there recently and told them how I feel, because if they ever doubted my love, it would kill me.

What a day

Work was long and hard- my students were at their least cooperative, and the day seemed to drag on forever.

Then I spoke with my mom on the phone, and hear that my grandpa still isn't doing well. He's been in the hospital for over three weeks. He was admitted for breathing difficulty- turns out he had pneumonia. They ended up putting him into an induced coma, to perform the necessary procedures. Well, he's still not completely out of it. They stopped the sedatives. They took out his breathing tube. He still has a feeding tube, but otherwise is on his own- breathing wise, etc. However, he can't move. He can squeeze your hand and nod his head, but is otherwise immobile. He can barely speak, a few words at a time, soft and hoarse. My mom and my brother are right there, and both seem scared that he's given up. I haven't seen him since July- when we were dancing at my cousin's wedding. I just cannot wrap my mind around this, and when I try, I just break down. He hasn't met his great-grandson yet. I am just heart-broken. I am going to send him some pictures and things- in hopes of getting his spirits up. I would do anything...

My Birthday!

Another year has passed, and I'm now 31. Wow- sometimes it still surprises me that I'm a grown up. :) Well, add that surprise to the mountain of other emotions I've been through so far today...

My day began in the wee hours of the morning, feeding my newborn, and then giving my firstborn a "breathing treatment" as she lay in her bed.

I was moved to tears, when my mom called at 8:30. For the first 30 years of my life, no matter where I was (my parents' home, away at college, at my adult home in another state), my grandpa has called and sang Happy Birthday to me on the phone. His recent medical issues have left him unable to speak for the time being, and he "asked" my mom to call and sing for him. I appreciated her doing that for him, and for me. It was one more reminder of how my grandparents are aging, and it tears me up to think about it.

As I got off the phone, Chas and Abby came upstairs with my birthday card and presents. They cheered me up with the sweet card, and something I've been wanting for a while- a Wii Fit. I got the Biggest Loser "game" to go with it as well. :)

We went and had mexican food for lunch- yummy- and are now back home. Chas had to go to work, so the kids and I are laying low at home for the rest of the day. Now, I need to get off here and go finish making their Halloween costumes! :)